chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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