No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
