meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
