i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
