She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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