I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
