I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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