The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
