Can i not drive my cunt home
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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