On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
