My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
