I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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