He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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