If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
