Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
