Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
