Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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