dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
