Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
