Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
50% drunk capacity currently
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
