Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
