I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
