i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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