My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
