apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize