saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
