Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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