you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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