I think i sorta joined a cult last night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
