Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
