Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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