hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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