When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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