im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
