Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
