i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
