Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
