it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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