so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
