I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
