If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
