Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
