I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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