I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
