Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
