Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
