He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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