i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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