I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize