You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
