she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
