yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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