Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
