its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
