it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize