I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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