I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
