Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
