i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Boobs are out for the taking
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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