We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
