Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
