dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
where are you?
Hypothermia
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
