Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize