2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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