We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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