I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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