I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
