If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
