The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
