hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
