She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
