I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
