i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
