I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
