My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize