reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
