You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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