The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
