My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
