So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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