I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
