The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize