Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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