the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
