Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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