my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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